


Why I Smile

by Lonelygrl91



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU:Xfactor, Bulimia, M/M, Mentions of Rape (BUT NO RAPE IN THE PAST PRESENT OR FUTURE JUST A MENTION OF IT), More stuff to be added, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 06:09:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2140023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelygrl91/pseuds/Lonelygrl91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa when he was thirteen. After getting it mostly under control the deal he had made with his parents was simple. Gain 10 kg and go to the X factor auditions. However, when it came time he didn't want to get up, something told him it was going to be a bad day. Then the voice told him no one that fat would ever get selected for the X factor. The voice had always been right... till it wasn't. And when he met Harry everything really did change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why I Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I understand that Zayn doesn't have Bulimia, I'm aware that this didn't happen, but it's fanfiction so oops? That being said I did do a lot of research via youtube of people on the show uploading videos and stuff so I'm not completely out of left field when it comes to this. Also, Right now this in my head is a Zarry story however! Somehow my stories end up going off in a direction that I just can't see. The characters tend to start taking over and it becomes a shit show so for all I know this could end up being Zayn and Gandhi (though I highly doubt it will end up THAT weird). There will be brief moments of Ziam and Larry though I don't know how much so just buckle up and enjoy!

Bulimia Nervosa with Anorexic Tendencies. That is what he has, or at least, that’s what the doctors say he has. Some of the time he thought he was just crazy, and other times he thought everyone else in the world is crazy and he’s the only sane one left.  No matter what, that’s the “diagnosis” that warranted the three bottles sitting on his sink.

Running his nimble fingers through his short black hair he shook his head as the mirror image’s double chin shook back.  Grabbing the bottles one by one he dispensed a pill from each of them. Depefex XL to keep the damn voice telling him he was too fat away, or at least make it tolerable. _You can’t get rid of me that easy._  A multivitamin because he was seventeen and according to his mother needed some sort of healthiness to him, and finally Vitamin D supplement. The doctor told him that the four years the disease controlled him, it had stolen vitamin D from his bones and now he had to replace it . Or whatever. He didn’t really know. All he knew was that he had to take it until he was eighteen and they re-evaluated him.

Slipping on the boxers his mother had thrown him he took another glance at the mirror. _They’ll never pick you_ it said. _Just because you think you can sing doesn’t mean that they’ll want someone as big as you. You probably should have skipped that extra bite of chicken you had last night. You’re wasting your time. Might as well go back to bed._ Taking a deep breath he shook his head. He couldn’t do this. They were going to laugh at him. Opening the door to the bathroom he walked down the hall to his bedroom and groaned when he saw his mother sitting on the bed.

“No sunshine” she said softly. “I know you want to do this, if we want to get there in time, if you want to audition we have to leave now.” Zain looked at his mom pleading with his eyes.

“Mum” He started. “They’re going to make fun of me.” She shook her head and handed him the maroon top and black jacket waiting for him to put them on. Once he did she handed him his jeans and he slid those on as well. Now that he was fully dressed he looked up at her. He knew they had made the deal and his mother was going to honour it no matter what. When Zain was sixteen he had reached his skinniest. At barely 57 Kilos his clothes hung off him like bags, his cheeks sunken in, and his skin an ashen grey. Rehab had helped for a while, but it wasn’t long before he had lost all the weight he had gained again. It wasn’t until he had expressed interest in applying for X Factor had his parents come up with an incentive worth gaining weight. Gain 10 Kilos he could audition. It had taken him nearly a year to gain the weight, just in time for the auditions, but he had done it, and today was the day his dream was going to come true. Or so he hoped.

“Sunshine, they’re going to love you.” she said smiling. “I promise, you’re very talented and the judges will see that.” Shifting in his clothes he nodded before grabbing his socks, Ipod, and shoes. “I’m sleeping in the car” He said and his mom smiled.

“Of course love I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

When Zain stepped out of the car the nerves instantaneously hit him like a truck.  As soon as the car door was shut he moved to open it only to be pulled back by his mother. “You’re going to be great, Let’s get in line and get checked yeah? Maybe talk to some contestants? Make some friends?” Zain nodded and looked around nervously.  He noticed the cameras everywhere interviewing random people. Walking up next in line he noticed a mop of curly hair just in front of him. He was talking to the cameras excitedly and flashing a million dollar smile. Zain couldn’t help but blush at the beautiful green eyes. The boy was easily the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. After a couple of minutes the camera man nodded and walked off looking for someone else to interview. The curly haired boy smiled and began talking animatedly at what Zain assumed to be his mother.

“Did you see that?! They interviewed me mum! They actually wanted to talk to me! I hope that’s a good sign!” Zain couldn’t help but smile at the boy’s enthusiasm. After a second Zain’s mom joined him and he turned to her terrified.

“Mum I can’t do this.. I seriously can’t do this I’m going to fail and they’re going to laugh at me they’re going to think that I’m too fat and that…”

“Hello! I’m Harry Styles, what’s your name?” a silky smooth voice interrupted. Zain’s mom smiled and pushed Zain towards the voice gently. Zain turned to see the same mop-headed boy smiling at him.

“I… I’m uh.. Zain…… Malik.”  The boy, Harry, held out his hand and Zain carefully took it not quite sure what Harry’s angle was.  Harry shook his hand and dropped it, the smile never leaving his face.

“How’s that spelled? I know there are different ways and I always love knowing how people spell the same name differently. I think it’s mostly because the only other way to spell Harry is H-A-I-R-Y and that’s not very attractive at all!” Zain blushed and looked down at his feet. He’d always thought the way his name was spelled was a little weird. He loved his name, it was different. However, Zain was just so awkward.

“It’s spelled Z-a-i-n.” He said softly. Harry noticed the awkwardness in his voice and raised his eyebrows in question. “I don’t like how it’s spelled.” Zain said shrugging. Harry nodded and took a few steps up since the line was moving. They had gotten there fairly early and while there were people already in front of them there were even more behind them.

“You should change it then. Spell it differently. You look like a ‘y’ guy though.” Harry blurted.  “Spell it Z-a-y-n instead of Z-a-i-n.” Harry looked back to his mom and sister and smiled. “OH! I’m super rude! Mum! This is Zayn. With a Y” Harry told his mom. Harry’s mother nodded and gave Zayn a kind of dirty look. He figured she thought Harry should be focusing on the competition not making friends with a fat weirdo. Looking down at his feet the newly renamed Zayn stared at the pavement. “I should probably go… we… we need to focus yeah?” For the first time since he’d seen the brunette just an hour or so ago the mop-haired boy let the smile on his face drop.

“Yeah.. uh… Yeah mate! Good look hopefully I’ll see you in bootcamp yeah?” Zayn nodded and watched as Harry stepped forward again, next in line. _It’s for the best_ it said. _He’s going to make it and they’re going to laugh at you. He probably won’t even remember your name. But I’m sure you’ll remember his. Maybe when he’s famous you and your fat arse can go and worship him at his concerts._

Zayn stood nervously behind the stage. He’d made it to the judges and he wanted to throw up. Unlike Harry there hadn’t been anyone to interview him. No backstage talks, no one expecting him to go anywhere. Zayn hadn’t expected to be fawned over, he wasn’t amazing. He loved to sing, but he knew he wasn’t that good. The only reason why he wanted to even audition was to see if he had what it takes, once he was skinny again. Once his parents couldn’t tell him that he needed to gain weight. The host was there and gave him an encouraging smile before Zayn walked onto the stage. Immediately he felt his body tense. There were so many people just staring at him waiting for him to perform. More like waiting for you to get your fat arse off the stage.  Pushing away the voice he looked at the judges.

“What’s your name?” Simon asked. He looked down at his sheet of paper. Probably writing down too fat for television.

“It’s Zain” He said immediately. He wanted to get his name out before he messed up.

“Zain… What are you going to sing?” Simon continued, still not looking at him.

“It’s Mario uh.. Let Me Love You.” Don’t mess up… There are lots of people watching you fatty.

“Ok” Simon said finally looking at him. Zayn gulped and began to sing.

You're the type of woman (deserves good thangs)

Fistful of diamonds (hand full of rings)

Baby you're a star (I just want to show you, you are)

You should let me love you

Let me..

Zayn was cut off by Simon’s hand. “Louis yes or no?” Zayn turned to him holding the microphone for dear life.

“Mmmm yeah” The crowd cheered and Zayn tried to contain his excitement.

“Thank you” He managed to squeak out.

“Nicole” Simon asked. The Pussycat Doll nodded immediately.

“Yes” The crowd cheered again. By this time Zayn was starting to get a little more excited. He had made it through to bootcamp! That’s probably as far as you’re going to make it. Zayn licked his lips.

“Thank you.” He said again before turning to Simon. It was down to him, and even though two yeses meant he was going on, everyone knew that Simon’s opinion mattered the most.

“Zain it’s a yes”  Zayn tried not to smile as he nodded and said a quick thank you before walking off stage towards his mum. Once he made it off stage he wrapped his arms around his mom and started crying. “They said yes mum. I’m going to bootcamp in London!”  His mother smiled and kissed the top of his head before leading him out towards the exit. They were just about there when Zayn heard his name being called.

“ZAYN! ZAYN!! ZAYN WITH A Y! NO NOT YOU I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU! ZAYN!” Zayn turned and smiled as a mop of curly hair made its way towards him. Once the boy was in sight he didn’t stop till he crashed his way into the small teen.

“Careful!” his mom said trying to stabilize the two boys, more her son than anything. “He’s still very weak.” Zayn threw a glare at his mom and awkwardly wrapped his arms around the boy.

“I MADE IT ZAYN!” Harry said happily. “I MADE IT! They asked me about where I worked and everything… they said yes!” Hugging him again Zayn smiled and patted the kid’s back.

“Congratulations mate” He said after he had managed to catch his breath. Almost instantaneously Harry pulled back looking into Zayn’s eyes.

“What about you? Did you make it? You had to have made it! Look at you! You just… You look like you can sing! I bet you can! What did Simon say? Are you going to bootcamp? Because like I’ve only met six or seven other contestants and they all seem really rude. There’s this girl she’s like eighteen and has a kid! And she dresses like a slag and I just don’t know if I can handle being stuck around all those kinds of people so did you and Harry needs to breathe.” Zayn laughed as Harry sucked in a deep breath. Once he was sure Harry wasn’t going to pass out on him he nodded.

“Yeah mate. Three yeses I’m going to Bootcamp!”

Three days had passed since Zayn had made it through to bootcamp. Since they were some of the first to audition they had been told to meet at boot camp in two weeks. Laying around his bed Zayn thought back to the brunette with the curly mop instead of focusing on the comic books he told his mother he was reading. While Harry and him had exchanged phone numbers, Harry had made no effort in trying to contact him. Probably doesn’t want to be associated with your fat arse. “Shut up.” He said a loud as he rolled over and tried to focus back in on Gotham City.

“Zayn!” His mother called from the kitchen. “Can you go to store and pick up the chicken please?” Zayn sighed and grabbed his coat and slipped on his shoes before walking into the kitchen he grabbed two tens from her before walking out the door towards the market. Zayn had always been the most responsible when it came to the market, mostly because he was the only one his mother could rely on to not buy sweets or junk food in the checkout line.

Zayn was just a couple blocks away from the market when a group of guys from his old school turned the corner. Instinctively Zayn shrunk towards the wall hoping that they’d be generous and leave him alone, but it was no use. The next thing Zayn knew he was up in the air as a pair of hands held him there. “My my what do we have here?” The biggest one said pushing Zayn harder into the brick. “It’s little terrorist Zainie here. What are you doing Zainie? Going to blow something up?” Before he knew it Zayn felt the pain of a fist into his side. “Heard you tried out for the X Factor Zainie. Did you make it? Are you going to go to London and be the queer you are? Try to impress those queer friends of yours huh?” Zayn was thrown to the ground and kicked as he scrambled to get away from them. “That’s right faggot keep running… ya fat arse!!” Zayn finally made it to the market where he was majorly out of breath. The manager looked at Zayn sadly and pulled out a pack of smokes. “For your father” He said, though he knew they’d never reach him. Zayn smiled and pocketed the cigarettes before grabbing the chicken and paying. Outside zayn lit up a cigarette before making his way back home chicken in hand.

Boot camp was finally here and Zayn had never felt more sick in his life. Glancing up at Wembley arena he gulped before walking in and looking around. Almost immediately he was surrounded by the 210 other acts waiting for the boot camp to officially start. The seventeen-year-old sighed and couldn’t help but look for the mop of curly brown hair. He was so focused on trying to find Harry that he didn’t notice the boy standing straight in front of him. The next thing Zayn knew he was on the floor looking up at a brown-eyed hunk. Blushing he looked down at his hands and pulled himself up. “I.. uh.. sorry mate.”

The boy frowned and just stared before breaking out into a smile. “It’s alright! I’m Liam. You are?” Zayn looked down at his hands and began fiddling with his lighter.

“I uh… I’m Zayn.” Liam nodded and smiled when a blonde walked into the room holding a guitar.

“Well mate,  I’ve got to go, there’s a blonde over there with a guitar and I wanna see if he’ll help me practice. I’ll see you around yeah?” Zayn nodded and looked around. He figured they wouldn’t start for another ten to fifteen minutes, more than enough time to slip out and smoke a cigarette. Walking outside Zayn sat down and lit up. It was only a few seconds later a shadow fell over him.

“You know smoking’s bad for you right?” Harry said sitting next to him. Zayn smiled and shrugged. He knew it was bad for him, but the psychologist had suggested it to him. Everytime he felt like he needed to throw up, he’d have a fag.

“It keeps my nerves away.” He whispered pulling another drag from the white stick. “It keeps me from…” he shook his head. He shouldn’t be explaining this to someone who probably didn’t care. Harry, though, wanted to know. Nudging Zayn softly he nodded when the boy looked at him. “I… I have bulimia…. and… when I started rehab and stuff… they… suggested this… as an ulterior coping mechanism. When I get anxious instead of throwing up the last meal I had I have a cigarette… Granted this is after trying twenty other more healthy options that didn’t work. This was kind of a last ditch effort in keeping me from losing it.” Zayn refused to look into Harry’s eyes. He knew it was a lot to take in, and the fact that this kid was barely a friend meant he was probably going to lose him too.

“I… I understand.” Harry said softly. “I mean… it’s… it’s still not good for you but if it helps you… you know… get less anxious… I can be ok with it.” Zayn looked up and gave him a hopeful look. “yes, really” Harry said laughing. Wrapping an arm around him Harry smiled. “come on I think they’re about ready to start… we should get in there.” Zayn nodded and flicked the cigarette out before walking back into the waiting room.

Zayn sat in the stairwell nodding his head as he tried to practice the song. He had heard it before, but for the most part he’d never taken the time to memorise the words. Taking a deep breath he started at the chorus the part he knew the best. “I’m looking at the man in the mirro-”  

“You’re good.” A voice said making Zayn jump. Turning he noticed Liam sitting a few steps above him. “You’re really good. You’ve got that Mario voice.” Laughing Zayn nodded.

“That’s what I auditioned with. Mario.” This caused Liam to laugh as well before scooting closer to him.

“Well you’re not complete competition yet. There are people a lot worse than both of us so I guess I could help you out a little bit. I’m going to go get Niall and his friend. The guy knows the song and he was going to help us practice. I’ll be back yeah?” Zayn nodded and continued to practice as he half-heartedly waited for Liam to reappear. He truthfully didn’t expect the brunette to come back but when he did he was surprised to see a whole load of the boys category following him, along with a guy carrying a guitar. Standing up so he didn’t get trampled he gawked as people filled in around them. Even Harry had joined. Looking at Liam he smiled and stood next to him as the blonde, presumably who Liam was talking about, pulled out his phone and began recording.

After a few seconds the guy playing guitar started to sing and everyone joined in. It was a huge cluster fuck of people trying to outsing each other and Zayn couldn’t help but smile at the fact that here they were, a group of solo artists making beautiful music. The best part about it in his mind was not a single one cared at the fact that he was the biggest one there. No one cared that he was fat. No one cared that he wasn’t the most attractive. Hell no one cared about anything other than being the best they could be. Leaning back against the railing he sighed in relief and waited for them to take it from the top.

Zayn shook nervously in the bathroom as he waited. Today was the day they’d find out if they made it to judges houses. It’d been a long boot camp so far. He had made it through the first round of cuts, the dancing (with a little help from Harry, Simon, and  Liam, though Liam was now insisting that he was genuine competition and refused to talk to him in fear of making friends… for some reason), and finally singing the song best made for him. He knew he had tried his best and that’s all he could really do. Hearing the call for all of the boys category to go to the stage he looked around for Harry and Liam they’d get chosen. They had to get chosen they were both so good.

Standing on stage in front of Nicole, Simon, and Louis hearing whether or not they’d go through to judges houses was the worst feeling in Zayn’s life. Then, slowly, the judges began reading names off. They were only taking 8 into judges houses and as the names were called Zayn knew he wasn’t going to get picked. When they finally called out “Tom Richards” as the last name Zayns’ heart fell. Told you you wouldn’t go through. Your friends were ten times better than you and even they didn’t get through.  Hearing Simon dismiss them he turned and walked off the stage trying not to cry. He wouldn’t cry. He knew this was the risk and the fact that he’d gotten this far was a miracle.

“ZAYN!” Harry called, running up and hugging him. “It’s ok mate..” He said through his sobs. “We...we’ll get ‘em next year yeah?” Zayn nodded though he knew there would be no next year. He was done. He obviously wasn’t good enough. Too fat Zain. The voice mocked.

“It’s been fun Harry.” Zayn said softly. The two boys were about to part ways when Liam came up crying. He hugged Zayn without a thought.

“I just don’t want to go home” He whispered through his tears. Zayn nodded sadly and patted his back before walking off needing time alone. He’d brought his bags to the stage so his mum could come pick him up after. He was walking outside when they called for him.

“Zain! They want to get some interviews of the rejected acts… come on” Zayn followed the guy with the headset and soon found himself with a bunch of other guys and close to a guy in a beanie. Louis  he vaguely remembered. He was jumped out of his thoughts when he heard his name being called. _Why would they want to interview you? Maybe to show people that fat people don’t belong on the show?_ The voice criticised. ‘Shut up’ he thought. ‘I’m trying to pay attention.’ Next the two boys in front of him. Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan were called along with Harry and Liam. They were then told to follow the magical guy with a headset.

The next thing Zayn knew he was standing on the stage he was rejected from just a few minutes ago.  “Hello” Nicole started. Zayn listened as the four girls on the other side of the stage and a couple of the guys next to him said hello back. “Thank you so much for coming back. I know judging from some of your faces that this is really hard. We’ve thought long and hard about it. We’ve thought of each of you as individuals and we just feel that you’re too talented to let go of. We think it’d be a great idea to have two separate groups.” ‘Groups?’ Zayn thought. ‘What do they mean groups?’  Suddenly Zayn’s question was answered when Simon spoke up.

“We’ve decided to both of you through to the judges houses.” Zayn’s heart dropped as he looked at Harry who was hugging the closest thing to him which just happened to be Louis. Before he knew it he was being pulled into a group hug that made him feel slightly awkward. He didn’t know any of these guys besides Harry and Liam and he had to not only become friends with them in the next two weeks before the judges houses, but he had to become a band with them? How was this ever going to work. Pulling back he waited as Simon spoke again. “Guys, guys, girls, this is a lifeline. You have got to work ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day, every single day and take this opportunity. You’ve got a real shot here guys.” With that they were dismissed and Liam looked at the rest of them.

“Are we sure this is what we want? To become a boy band? It could hurt our careers.” Harry laughed and looked at the Beiber-cut hair.

“What career? It’s either go home and wait for next year or become a band and try right now. Personally I’m all for it.” Louis, and Niall nodded and they looked at Zayn. Looking into the green eyes of Harry he knew he was in trouble.

“Uh yeah… I don’t really want to go home right now… I think we should try it. I mean…. what’s the worst that could happen? We’ve already not won the X Factor. We’ve already not got a career, we can only go up from here yeah?”  Liam looked at Zayn intently before nodding.

“Alright let’s do this.” the other three boys smiled and cheered before being herded towards the host. He asked them a few questions that got Harry excited and Zayn couldn’t help but just smile at him and listen to him in awe. He’s in your band now stupid, you can’t really snog him now can ya? After the cameras had gotten what they needed the boys all huddled around.

“We need to dress like Louis” The blonde, Niall, said ecstatically. Zayn looked Louis up and down and shook his head.

“Absolutely not… I will not wear those trousers they’re dreadful.” The boys all looked at him in shock and he slunk back towards the wall. “Um.. sorry I’ll stop.. I’ll stop talking now.”  Harry wrapped his arms around him and gave him a noogie.

“We’re not mad at you, it’s just the first time any of us have heard you crack a joke in the four days you’ve been here.” Zayn let out a sigh of relief and smiled.  Turning back to the rest of the group Harry nodded. “Well.. I think we should meet up to practice and get to know each other… we leave in like what? Two weeks for Judges houses?” The boys nodded and Harry continued. “I’ll ask my dad if we can live in the bungalow for a week or so to practice and stuff.” Zayn nodded and pulled out his phone handing it to Louis who gave him a questioning look.

“I uh… Shouldn’t we have everyone’s numbers?” He asked after a second. “I already have Liam and Harry’s just because I apparently become a ninja and they have to call me to find me in an empty room.” The two mentioned band members both let out a “You are” before pulling out their phones as well. Louis and Niall nodded before pulling out their phones and handing them to the ones they didn’t have already.

“Alright!” Harry said taking his phone back. “I’m gonna call my dad just sit tight for a moment and hopefully we’ll have everything planned out. Do you guys think you can get to Holmes Chapel in like three days? We can stay there until it’s time to go to the judge’s house and get as much practice in as possible.” Zayn nodded. He knew his mom would be thrilled not only because he made it to the judge’s house, but because, even though he didn’t necessarily ask for them, he was given four new friends” _What are they going to do when they find out you’re a fat ass who eats all the time? Huh? What are they going to do when they find out you’re a queer._ Zayn gulped and when Harry came back before he could process it his mouth was shouting. “I’m gay.” Closing his eyes he waited for the four boys to hit him, to tell him how disgusting he was but when nothing happened he cracked an eye open to see four eyebrows raised.

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Louis asked after a moment. “I mean… you can still sing yeah? It doesn’t cause you to stop singing… Harry my boy over there is Bisexual. I myself tend to find a bloke attractive every once in a while.  It doesn’t matter mate just as long as you can sing.” Zayn watched as the other boys nodded. He flashed a smile towards Harry who blushed and winked back.

“Alright.” Harry said after a moment. “I’ll text you guys with the information, my step-dad said we could crash at the bungalow so just plan to be at the address I send you in three days around half nine. We have a lot of work to do.” The boys all nodded before being pulled into another hug and then finally going their separate ways.

Walking outside the arena Zayn smiled as he saw his mum. Running into her arms he smiled and kissed her cheek. “I’m so proud of you sunshine.” she said happily. Zayn nodded and wrapped his skinny arms around her again. “Come on sunshine let’s get you back home ya? You can tell me all about it.” Zayn smiled and nodded.

Zayn groaned as his mom shook him from his slumber. “Sunshine, it’s time to get up. We have to go to Holmes Chapel today so you can go practice” Zayn rolled over and wrapped his blankets closer to his face. “Mum please, I changed my mind I don’t wanna be in a band I just wanna go back to sleep.” His mother rolled her eyes before pulling the covers off him. “Come on sunshine, it’s time to get up. You’ve made it so far already. Besides, if you don’t show up you’re going to let Harry down.” At the thought of seeing Harry cry again he bolted up and began getting dressed. His mum smiled and handed him his jacket. “You really like that boy don’t you?” Zayn blushed and nodded.

“He’s so amazing mum.” He whispered tying his shoes. “He makes me smile for no reason, and he’s just the best guy there is.” Pulling out his phone he sent a text to Harry ‘On my way see you soon :)’ He smiled when almost immediately he got a text back. ‘YAS! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU! :P’ Zayn’s heart leapt from his chest. Showing the text he smiled. “MUM! He said he can’t wait to see me!” She smiled and shook her head. “I can see that sunshine. We’ll be there in a couple hours. You can go back to sleep if you want? I’ll be ok with that. You’re way too happy. Not that I’m complaining, I haven’t seen you like this since you were about ten. But love, I don’t want you to get upset if something happens and he doesn’t feel the same way. You’ve got a shot at your dream love, I’m not saying to not be yourself, but take it slow with him. He’s only sixteen. You might be comfortable enough with your sexuality to tell everyone but he might not be. Test out the waters first. That’s all I’m saying.” Zayn nodded and looked out the window. “I’m sorry Sunshine. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” Zayn nodded again.

“I know mum it’s ok. I get it… I won’t mess up this chance I promise.”  Closing his eyes and fell asleep.

When Zayn awoke he groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Where are we?” He asked. His mum rolled her eyes and smiled.

“We’re almost there sunshine. Why don’t you text your friend and tell him that yeah?” Zayn nodded and sent a text ‘we’re almost there!’ Yeah get ready for the fuck up of the band to come. “Shut up” He murmured under his breath. “Hey! We’re almost there” he texted. Almost immediately he received a reply. “Great! I can’t wait! You’ll be the first to arrive we can hang out and get to know each other and stuff!”  Zayn smiled and took a moment to gather his thoughts. ‘Take it slow’ he thought to himself _Yeah.. wouldn’t want to go to jail at seventeen for rape now would you?_ ‘Shut up… I wouldn’t rape him.’  Hearing his phone go off again he looked down at the phone. “Why don’t we call the band. One Direction?”

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Good? Bad? Should I just scrap it? Let me know because I honestly have no idea. Also after they get out of the Xfactor (the next chapter) it'll be a lot more free range (meaning I'll be taking more creative liberties). I just kind of wanted to show this part to set up the Zarry ALSO ALSO ALSO!!! I need a beta! If anyone would be interested I could definitely get the chapters out a lot faster!


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